A LITTLE REMINDER WHEN YOU LISTEN TO EACH OTHER
SUPPORTIVE LISTENING
Remember that everybody is good – Look into the each others eyes
Decide who will be the first to talk and take turns listening
Stay as close as feels safe to the one you are listening to
SAFETY
Agree on absolute confidentiality – no referring outside of session without permission
FEELINGS
Expression of feelings are desirable – the expression is the healing and not the hurt
Be glad for their discharge it is their healing -encourage, don’t interrupt it
Be sympathetic but don’t be caught in her/his distress – it’s only feelings
(Don’t cry louder than the one you listen to!)
Show your support and delight in the one you listen to
If you get feelings too just decide to counsel on them later
In extreme cases it’s possible to ask the person you are listening to, to briefly switch roles in order for you to discharge your feelings
REALITY
Be a mirror of that person’s real self – (good, smart, powerful)
Show complete confidence in her/his ability to solve anything and live well
ACTIVE LISTENING
Listen to decide what the distress (the hurt) is, think of ways to contradict it
Say or suggest something to contradict the distress –
Pay attention to tone of voice, facial & body expression – suggest to find different postures in order to contradict the expressions (for example if somebody sits in a powerless way, encourage to stand up proudly)
DON’T JUDGE
OR ANALYSE OR GIVE ADVICE
All your attention is for your partner, don’t talk about your own feelings or experience Helpful questions direct toward discharge: “How did that feel?” “What’s that thought?” “Have you an earlier memory of that?” (No questions just to satisfy your own curiosity)
PRESENT TIME
After the session a question or two can help bring your partner out of the feelings to the present time something fun that makes her think – make it a game!
YOUR TURN
Take time to notice your counselor and the environment,
Check your feelings what’s most important now? Look for earliest memories of those.
Don’t refer to the other’s material from session without her permission